Six pints of beer down the local pub (plus a couple of shots) before heading to town in a taxi – destination oblivion – grabbing some fast dirty sex before before collapsing in a strange bed with no recollection of the past night's activity is not everyone's idea of a great night out, but for our new Geordie recruit Shaun, that's exactly what he wants to do every weekend.

Shaun really is your classic British lad: Geordie born and bred and cheekiness personified. His dad is a very successful builder who runs the largest construction company in the town and so Shaun works on and off as a site manager. He admits however that he doesn't really like getting his hands dirty and he is tired of receiving flack for being the boss's 'spoilt' son, so he's looking to get back into further education. 

"Is that a pound of liver hanging from your mouth or are you just pleased to see us?!" was our reaction to the size of Shaun's pierced tongue. No wonder the girls fight for his attention on his Facebook page – so much so, that he has to deactivate it every week. A self-confessed 'fanny rat', he says "I've never learnt to wank because there's always been a lass willing to do it for me." And it turns out this randy little bull needs milking at least three times a day – and that's after working his way through a hundred and fifty local girls too.

At the age of 23 Shaun has been sexually active for ten years and once (aged sixteen) had sex in a field in front of all his mates. Arriving in Magaluf at 21, armed with boundless confidence and an outrageous grin he promptly seduced a 52-year-old woman who was away from her hubby and kids on a week away with the girls. Shaun gave the Deirdre Barlow look-alike a pounding she would never forget – Shaun is widely known as the hip-breaker – and the poor woman was seen hobbling about for the rest of the week in need of a hip replacement.

Dutch Courage

April 6, 2012 11:51
Back to 2012: Why Geordie lads go drinking in winter wearing tee-shirts and other important issues.

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